Remember when Valentine’s Day just meant a dozen roses and a Whitman’s sampler? Maybe you don’t–it’s been so long since the Hallmark holiday morphed from a day for lovers to a good excuse for girls’ night out and lonelyhearts-themed parties. Now that there are so many ways to celebrate or protest Valentine’s Day, we’ve narrowed the field down to 10 wildly different players, so you can take a chance on one.
1. Looking to Get Girly?
Try Girl Crush by Nice Package
The Love Shack, 161 Stockholm St
2/14, 1pm, $75
Grab your closest lady friends and treat yourself to brunch and bottomless cocktails from Chef Zoe Maya, yoga with Pop-Up Yoga NYC, custom poems by Haiku Guys, and wild manicures by Vanity Projects. It all goes down in the quirkily adorable Love Shack, made even cuter with additional décor (including gilded piñatas) by Svbscription x Confetti System.
2. Looking to Get Steamy?
Try Valentine’s Night at the Russian Baths
Brooklyn Banya, 602 Coney Island Ave
2/14, 7pm, $35 to $85
Underground nightlife impresarios Gemini & Scorpio are bringing back the legendary Valentine’s banya party. The fête will include Russian, Turkish, and Swedish steam rooms, a jacuzzi and cold plunge, Russian eats and a hookah lounge, not to mention a poolside dance floor, where you can get down to live Balkan brass bands and ethno-mesh DJs all night. Plus an open vodka bar from 9 to 10pm, and pierogies for all at 2am.
3. Looking to Get the Sparks Flying?
Try a Couples Welding Workshop
Brooklyn Navy Yard Building 92, corner of Flushing Ave & Corona Ave
2/14, 3pm, $60
If you want to surprise your paramour with a really unusual V-Day couples class, try getting hot and sweaty together with an acetylene torch. Artist and welder Susan Woods will oversee some serious crafting, teaching basic welding skills and metal fabrication techniques. Couples will build custom metal hearts to take home.
4. Looking to Get (Comically) Educated?
Try The Wonderful World of Boning
Union Hall, 702 Union St
2/14, 7pm, $8
Writer and sex educator Lux Alptraum takes audiences through classic sex-ed videos, with help from comedians Brendan McLaughlin and Sharron Paul. If “sex ed with a sense of humor” isn’t enough Valentine’s fun for you, stick around for the next show, Love Bites: Power Ballads Singalong, at 9:30.
5. Looking to Get Nerdy?
Try the Love in Transit Missed Connections Party
New York Transit Museum, corner of Boerum Pl and Schermerhorn St
2/12, 6:30pm, $15
There’s a lot going on at this pre-Valentine’s shindig. You’ll be treated to a presentation by OKCupid co-founder Christian Rudder from his bestselling book Dataclysm, on the numbers and online data that reveals who we are and what we like. There will also be a token photobooth, Valentine’s crafts, and love poetry, plus treats from NuNuChocolates, wine from Brooklyn Winery, and beer from Brooklyn Brewery.
6. Looking to Find a Fellow Smiths Lover?
Try Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now Speed Dating
Black Rabbit Bar, 91 Greenpoint Ave
2/14, 8pm, FREE
What could be more depressingly romantic than speed-dating to sounds of the Smiths? It’s the perfect opportunity for sad song lovers to waste valuable time with comedian and musician Dave Hill, author of Tasteful Nudes and podcast host of “The Dave Hill Podcasting Incident,” who will emcee the evening. Interested parties should sign up by emailing your name to email@example.com or call 718.349.1595 and leave a call-back number.
7. Looking to Get Up Early and Dance?
Try Techno Breakfast Loves You
Address with ticket purchase
2/14, 9am, $25
The Valentine’s edition of this semi-regular daytime loft party invites electronic music lovers to rise, shine, and dance. The affair will include a half dozen DJs including Dahlia, Maksim, and Alex Graham, plus creative culinary delights and jubilant juices from Rad&Neu.
8. Looking to Get Wined and Dined?
Try Dinner + A Movie
501 Union, 510 Union St.
2/13, 7pm, $65 single / $135 couple
Gowanus Art + Production offers a fancy take on the very classic date night. Your evening will include a three-course meal from Purslane Catering, three drinks including Prosecco upon arrival, and a screening of the classic 1945 film Brief Encounter.
9. Looking to Get Wild?
Try Psychic Snow
The Kymberle Project, 1223 Atlantic Ave
2/14, 11pm, $12 adv / $15 day of
Presented by queer nightlife mavens the Culture Whore and David Sokolowski, Psychic Snow will feature music from Average Jo, SHEDONTSTOP, and DJ Viv, plus more than a dozen hosts, from Manifestany Squirtz to Molly Rhinestones to Lucy Balls. In addition to dancing all night, there will be rituals, tarot readings, massages, and more.
10. Looking to Get Generous?
Try the Village of Love
Music Hall of Williamsburg, 66 North 6th St
2/14, 7pm, $20 adv / $25 day of
This annual benefit concert and dance party, presented by Panache and New York Night Train, is not slacking on the entertainment. There will be sets and performances from DJ Jonathan Toubin, Shannon Funchess, Lenny Kaye, Julianna Barwick, Austin Brown, Cassie Ramone, Brad Oberhofer, Crocodiles, EZTV, Christian Peslak, Azar Swan, Daddy Long Legs, Meredith Graves + Shaun Sutkus, Rev. Vince Anderson, and even more. Party all night knowing you’re also doing something good: all proceeds will go to Planned Parenthood.