You could say I’m not what they call “a runner,” but I’m not sure that fully captures how every minute I’ve ever spent jogging while not chasing a ball of some sort is interminable and horrible and filled entirely with the persistent thought that at any point I could stop and immediately be a million times more comfortable so why on earth don’t I just do that. I’m not getting any younger or in better shape with my lifestyle choices, though, so this year I’m running in Prospect Park’s annual Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. This Thursday, Oct. 3, marks eight weeks until the race, and as luck would have it, I found an eight-week training program that seems doable even for me. Yes, my smug little Lululemon-clad marathoners who apparently don’t sweat, I am training for a five-mile race. I realize most people under 80 don’t need to do that, but deal with it. I also run at a speed that allows my 30-lb. dog to walk at a slightly quickened pace beside me. Anyone else who hates to run and maybe sucks at it, you should join me! It’s good for us! The race only costs $25 if you sign up by Oct. 13, and you’ll feel way less guilty about the inevitable pumpkin pie extravaganza that will follow your triumphant finish. –K.H.